Fight Club!!!

I had no knowledge of Jiu Jitsu when I stepped on the mat for the first time. None. Zero. Bupkis. Sure I heard them talk it up when I watched UFC fights. Striker versus Jiu Jitsu. I knew it had something to do with the ground game, but beyond that, it just seemed like wrestling to me. The entire thought process to show up at my first open mat went a little something like this…

FIGHT CLUB!!! 

I showed up at the gym. Coach was super chill. I was hoping for Tyler Durden. No dice. And from the music being played, apparently Bob Marley was a big fan of Jiu Jitsu. Who knew? This is not what I expected. Not. At. All. Coach pointed me in the direction of young guy that I would later dub “Triangle Tommy”.

Tom was wiry and seemed to know what he was doing judging by the way he rear naked choked the dude he was wrestling. I only knew the rear naked choke from watching UFC. It would soon become my reality.

Instructions from Coach were as follows: “Roll” with Tommy. If you want to stop, tap him or the mat twice. If your arms are tied up, say “Tap!” Have fun.

Got it. Roll. Tap. Fun.

My desire for “FIGHT CLUB!!!” was squeezed from my carotid arteries in about 40 seconds. This Tommy guy had the choke game down tight. My thoughts drifted more toward the physiology of my trachea and the actual pressure required to implode it. I quickly got the hang of this whole “tap” thing. This went on for about an hour. Choke. Tap. Crazy legs around my head. Tap. Arm bending. Tap. Rinse and repeat.

At the end of open mat Coach says, “Well, what do think? Will we see you at practice?” To which I responded, “You bet.”

Inside though I was thinking, “F*** this noise! I’m 42. Who am I kidding? Who voluntarily hires their own skinny assassin to repeatedly try to kill them? This is insanity!!”

And so it began.