The past few post have been rather serious. I am taking a break from serious to introduce you to my friend Gene. And when you meet Gene please say Hi. Hi Gene. Say it with me. Hi Gene. And when you are disgustingly sweaty on the mat, nothing becomes more obvious to your teammates than your relationship with my good friend Gene.
Hygiene.
In and of itself, sweat does not stink. Sweat is actually sterile when it comes out of your body. It is the bacteria on your body, or the clothes you are wearing, that make you smell like fine cheese. Or a bag of hot trash. Whatever it is you smell like, stop blaming your sweat. Sure, there is some science behind our skin secreting scents based on the food we eat. Garlic, sure. But if you smell like you’ve been eating out of the dumpster behind Denny’s, then you should really consider a meet and greet with Gene. And don’t even get me going about coming to class ‘guns-hot’. Really. 3 minutes. Pits and nasty bits. Done.
Personally, I am kind of a freak when it comes to this. Before I go for a run or go to class, I shower. Every time. Without fail. I feel gross if I don’t. I probably take too many showers. Nothing wrong with wanting to be clean though. And maybe, likely, it makes me very conscious of when I don’t smell that great, or when one of my teammates smells like a barnyard in August. Shower. Put on deodorant. Brush your teeth. Maybe a little powder. Though now they are finding powder causes cancer in lady parts. I’ll still powder the boys now and again. And if you do all this and you still stink, maybe its not you. Maybe its your clothes.
These new synthetic fabrics are known for holding their super-stank wash after wash. When I stink, usually its a rash guard that went through the wash, holding onto all the lovin’ it picked up off the mats the previous class. Wash it again, it still stinks. Three strikes and you’re out. Into the trash. These things have a shelf life folks. If you’re wearing a rash guard or other tight fitting piece of clothing, including but not limited to pants, underwear, shorts, socks, and shirts, that are more than say a year old, that have been defiled by that nasty stank time and again, consider donating them to the same dumpster from which you seem to be eating. For real. That stank is permanent. There is no fix for perma-stank. But for newer gear that has not yet succumb to perma-stank, I have some ideas.
First, rather than let your gear fester for a few days in the laundry, which greatly accelerates the onset of perma-stank, get yourself a small tub, enough for one outfit, and do a quick hand-wash immediately after working out. If you do a good enough job, hang to dry. You can always throw them into the next day’s laundry too. But letting the bacteria fester for a day or more, Welcome to Funkerville on the Funkerville Express. You just made the job 10 times worse, if even possible. Sure its not super convenient, but you’ll be doing your teammates a favor.
That is all folks. Let us review. Wash your pits and dirty bits. Wear deodorant. Don’t wear clothes that already smell like a cheese shop or hot trash. Easy.
Enjoy.